The assignment: a gift for someone you see forty hours a week and know almost nothing about, usually with a $25 ceiling. Gift cards feel like surrender. Mugs multiply in cabinets. A funny shirt works, but only if the joke is calibrated for an office, so start with the rules.
The rules of office-safe funny
Punch at meetings, never at people. Deadpan beats loud. Nothing that would make HR reach for a folder. The reliable test is simple: would they wear it outside work? A shirt that only functions as an office prop dies in a drawer by February.
If their camera has never once been on
Attending in Spirit (Camera Off). A tiny video-call grid where one tile is just darkness. The person who ends every meeting with "sorry, mic issues" will understand immediately, and so will everyone else on the call.
If they have declared war on corporate jargon
Circling Back Never. For the colleague who reads "per my last email" as a declaration of hostilities. It says the thing they type and delete twice a week.
If they are legally a coffee-based lifeform
Coffee Heartbeat. An EKG line that flatlines until it reaches the espresso cup. Extra correct for nurses and anyone on a shift schedule.
If they bring the happy-hour energy
Boxed Wine Sommelier. Tasting notes of cardboard and resilience. The person who brings honesty to the office party deserves credentials.
Sizing a gift without asking
Our crewnecks and hoodies run roomy, so a person's usual tee size lands right for the cozy fit. Tees fit true to size. When you genuinely have no idea, the trucker hat is one size and dodges the question entirely. Details in the fit guide.
Order timing
Everything is printed to order: 2 to 5 business days of production plus shipping. For a December exchange, order by early December. The shipping policy has the full math.
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